The End of an Era (or So Long and Thanks for all the Fish)

The past three and a half years have been among the most challenging & rewarding times for me. There were days where as a staff, we would sit around and wonder “why are we doing this?”. I would sit there and think “I can’t go on, I can’t do this anymore.” It was in those moments, that my favorite quote from Lord of the Rings comes to mind (here’s the YouTube version, if you prefer it)

Sam: It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn’t want to know the ending, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened. But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come and when the sun shines it’ll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr Frodo, I do understand… I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only the didn’t. They kept going, because they were holding onto something…

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr Frodo… And it’s worth fighting for.

But now that struggle has come to the end, and I find myself again wondering if it was worth it. If the time we spent mattered, or if it was all for naught. And again I find myself finding comfort and solace in the words of Samwise Gamgee. Continue reading

Worn Out No Longer

And my prayers are wearing thin
I’m worn even before the day begins
I’m worn I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn so heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

~ “Worn” by Tenth Avenue North

I have been feeling so worn out recently. I love my job, I love people, I love serving, I love helping, but recently it’s been tough. From the time I awake until I go to bed at night, I have to fight and try so hard to keep a good attitude and serve with a smile on my face.

It’s because I see so much pain on a daily basis, so much hurt, and so many times I just don’t know what to do, it’s tiring.

I needed a vacation. Continue reading

Business and Time

It’s amazing how quickly you can find your life filling up. One day, you have nothing going on, you have all the time in the world to play a game, hang out with people, etc. And the next, you find yourself struggling to hang out in a non-work related way just once a week. Continue reading

Memories and Wisdom

There is a lot of change coming. Some for me, some for friends, some for people I don’t really know, but it is coming for all of us. We can’t escape it. Change is a part of life, and change is good, but it’s not always easy.

For me, one of the big changes is losing a place where I have so many memories. I can’t really say too much about this yet since I’m not sure how public the knowledge is, but some of my best memories with some of my best friends happened at this place, and now it’s changing and we’re losing it. I’m excited for the possibilities in the new place, but the old place always felt like home, a place of comfort, a place of rest and peace.

With that change, I have been asked to help develop a few things. And I am so excited to help, but I find myself wondering why I was asked. I don’t think I have any great wisdom, or any great insight on these things, but I have been asked to help. So I find myself excited for the changes, for the role I get to play in these coming adventures, but I find myself nervous because I know I am not equipped to do it. But I also know that God does not call the equipped, He equips the called. So if the people who have prayerfully asked me to help them with this believe I am the right man for the job, then I must trust that God knows what He is doing and that He will give me what I need to do it…

I don’t know what the road ahead looks like, but I’m oddly ok with that….

Birthday’s and Days off…

Hey gang…

So, yesterday was my birthday, and I took the day off so I could spend some time with friends and some time relaxing. And it was wonderful. I’m not big on my birthday, I mean, it’s not like I did anything that day, I just kinda popped out, so I usually make my birthday about others (specifically, my mom, she’s the one who carried me, gave birth to me, and had to deal with my shenanigans growing up…) Continue reading

The Old Blue Chair

“There’s a blue rockin’ chair,

sittin’ in the sand.

Weathered by the storms,

and well oiled hands.

It sways back and forth,

with the help of the winds.

Seems to always be there,

like an ol’ trusted friend.

 

I’ve read a lot of books, wrote a few songs.

Looked at my life, where it’s goin’, where it’s gone.

I’ve seen the world, through a bus windshield.

But nothing compares,

to the way that I see it,

to the way that I see it,

to the way that I see it,

when I sit in that Old Blue Chair.

 

From that chair I’ve caught

a few fish and some rays,

and I’ve watched boats sail,

in and out of Cinnamon Bay.

I let go of a lover,

that took a piece of my heart.

Prayed many times for forgiveness,

and a brand new start.

 

That chair was my bed one New Year’s night,

when I passed out from too much Malibu and diet,

and I woke up to a hundred mosquito bites. I swear.

Got ’em all sittin’ right there, in the Old Blue Chair.

 

There’s a blue rockin’ chair,

sittin’ in the sand.

Weathered by the storms,

and well oiled hands.”

~ “Old Blue Chair” By Kenny Chesney

I know many people don’t like country music, but I love country. I was listening to this song a while ago, and I thought to my self “wow, this song is so cool, it speaks to such an important idea” it speaks to the idea of an Old Blue Chair, that is, it speaks to having a place of solitude. You see, we all need to have an Old Blue Chair of our own somewhere. A place where we can sit and think. I love the lines from the chorus: I’ve read a lot of books, wrote a few songs. Looked at my life, where it’s goin’, where it’s gone. I’ve seen the world, through a bus windshield. But nothing compares, to the way that I see it, when I sit in that Old Blue Chair.”  And that is the idea I love of the Old Blue Chair, it is that place where when the world gets us down, when we need to re-evaluate our life, when we need to see the world differently we can go to.

So here is my question to you, do you have an Old Blue Chair somewhere? Do you have a place to go when the world is just more than you can take? At Devil’s Den in Gettysburg, there is a rock I called Pride Rock because it looked like Pride Rock from The Lion King. For the year that I was out there in Gettysburg Master’s Commission, that was my Old Blue Chair. When I had to just go and think and look at life, I would climb out there. It was a great spot because it was around people, but very few ever ventured out that far to climb, and the few that did were very respectful of my space. That was where I would go to pray, to work, to read, and sometime to just goof off. I want to encourage you guys to go and find/create our own Old Blue Chair somewhere. Maybe you are saying to yourself “but I don’t have anywhere I can go”, sometime just a corner of a room works, just a space set aside for prayer, or maybe you go walk a path at a park, or the track at school, or something like that, be creative, there are many Old Blue Chairs out there, you just have to look for them.