When you give hope to others, you find hope for yourself.

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This was written over the course of the past few days. I would just jot down my disjointed thoughts, and then I tried to piece them together in a way that would make sense, without losing the overall feel of what I was trying to say, and I didn’t really expand or elaborate on any of my thoughts, so please keep that in mind as you read. If you would like me to elaborate, leaves comment with what you’d like me to elaborate on, and I will.

The phone rings. I take a deep breath, and pick up the phone and smile as I say “Hello, this is Joel. How can I serve you today?”

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Working is the hardest thing. I find myself at the front desk a lot these days. A place I need to be cheery, a place I need to smile, answer questions, and give hope. Hope I don’t feel. But behind the perfectly plastered smile on my face, my mind swirls with questions. Why? How? Somehow reaching out for understanding that doesn’t seem to come.

Then I read what others say. What the news says. The picture they paint. And I don’t see it. Instead I see someone broken, hurting, and in need of redemption. I don’t feel what society tells me to feel. Instead of anger, hate, rage, disgust, I feel sad, heartbroken, like someone died. And in a way, someone has.

In a way, a lot of people have.

So many people will never be the same. So many lives have had something ripped away from them. Peace, security, trust.

Trust.

And when trust is betrayed, we get angry. But when people are hurt, anger will never heal. Healing will only come when we replace anger with love. Redemption can only come from love. So many people are hurting right now. Spreading anger isn’t going to bring a single one of those people healing. We need to instead let our words be of love and support for everyone. And this love needs to come double from those of us who call ourselves the church. “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” ~ John 13:34-35

Maybe, if we can inject love into the situation, we can see healing come to each of people involved in and surrounding the situation. Maybe we can stop the cycle. Maybe, just maybe, we can actually change people.

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As my mind still swirls, as I find it hard to focus, I find myself asking questions. The worst kind of questions: questions that really have no answer. Questions that can’t be explained. And then the phone starts to ring. Someone comes in needing hope. And so I take all those swirling, twirling, questions and push them down, plaster a smile on my face that I don’t really feel, and answer the phone. And I give hope. Because when you give hope to others, you find hope for yourself.

It’s the Busiest Time of the Year

This time of year is aways one of my favorites, but it’s also one of the most stressful & busiest times of the year too. I have am busy almost every day and every night between work, and FlyTraffic work.

I’ve also started working out 3-4 days a week, which means that 3-4 days a week, I end up losing 1-2 hours to do other stuff. It’s difficult for me to see the value in working out, when there is so much other stuff I could be doing… But I know being in shape is good, so I have enlisted the help of my best friend to work out with me, which helps keep me accountable and gives me the motivation to work out. It’s amazing to me how quickly I can already see the changes starting to happen.

I’m wishing I had more to write, deeper stuff to write, but I just don’t have time to write like that. If I don’t get enough sleep, I’ll start getting sick… Hopefully I’ll have time soon to write. I’ve been reading Waking The Dead again, this time for me, not to teach. And I have so many thoughts running through my head about it I want to get out at some point…

Homeless For A Week

For those of you whom I am not friends with on Facebook or twitter, let me quickly recap my weekend for you:

I ate dinner on Friday night at work around 7:30pm. I got home around 11:30, couldn’t sleep, so I played a game with my friend, then went to bed about 2:30am, which is when I finally got tired.

Woke up at 4:30am, and was at work by 5am. Spent the next 12.5 hours outside, moving stuff, barely getting a chance to sit other than to dump pictures to my laptop, and I didn’t eat all while at work… Continue reading

I Need a Good Cry… And a Solution

I don’t know how many of you know this, but I guess I need to take some time and be transparent about all of this stuff going on in my life, because trying to not get stressed about it, or not letting the stress show is getting tiring. So very tiring… (sorry if this post is more whining than normal, but I need to get this out) Continue reading

Sickness & Insecurities

You probably noticed that I missed my post on Thursday. That was because I was sick. I left work early Wednesday because I couldn’t work, and then Thursday I worked for one hour before going home and sleeping the rest of day away.

Then Friday we had a kick-off party thing for my 2 best friends before they left for their trip. Saturday morning, I had to get up early to practice for a play for church, so I only had the chance to say a quick goodbye while they were half-asleep.

Their leaving was much harder on me for me this time for some reason…

Much harder… Continue reading