It has been almost 4 years since I last posted something on here.
4 years. A lot has happened. And a quick text conversation with my mother today got me thinking, and the thoughts in my head would not stop swirling and maybe by writing them down, my mind will settle.
She was texting me about Easter, and how she really wanted me to go to Church with them. And I told her that I really didn’t want to go to church. Which I’m sure upset her, but she accepted that answer. But I feel like I’m ready to explain how I got to this point in my faith, and what has been going on the past 4 years of my life. But to start, we have to go back a bit further, and I should make a few declarative statements about me.
I just turned 31 years old. I do believe in God (though at this point in time, I don’t know that I want to be called a Christian). I am bisexual. Continue reading →
The past three and a half years have been among the most challenging & rewarding times for me. There were days where as a staff, we would sit around and wonder “why are we doing this?”. I would sit there and think “I can’t go on, I can’t do this anymore.” It was in those moments, that my favorite quote from Lord of the Rings comes to mind (here’s the YouTube version, if you prefer it)
Sam: It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn’t want to know the ending, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened. But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come and when the sun shines it’ll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr Frodo, I do understand… I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only the didn’t. They kept going, because they were holding onto something…
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr Frodo… And it’s worth fighting for.
That means we get together, listen to cliché words, phrases, and quotes, all for the sake of something that, let’s be honest, you probably wouldn’t have finished if your parents hadn’t pushed you.
I love celebrating accomplishments, but I HATE cliché stuff… I hated my own graduation cuz of all the clichés, but I went to a graduation last night because my “little brother” was graduating… As I was live tweeting Pequea Valley’s Graduation last night, I said this: Continue reading →
It’s been a bit of an interesting night. I started watching “The Gods Aren’t Angry” by Rob Bell (affiliate link). I was supposed to be writing this blog post, but I was enthralled by the video. When I write, I generally close out all social media, turn off the TV, and put on some music. But tonight, I don’t know why, but I didn’t.
The election is today, and if you are like me, you are not looking forward to Facebook posts when the results of the election come back… So, I figured I’d make it fun (thanks to my friend Lexi for the idea and the first 4 “rules”)…
For those of you whom I am not friends with on Facebook or twitter, let me quickly recap my weekend for you:
I ate dinner on Friday night at work around 7:30pm. I got home around 11:30, couldn’t sleep, so I played a game with my friend, then went to bed about 2:30am, which is when I finally got tired.
Woke up at 4:30am, and was at work by 5am. Spent the next 12.5 hours outside, moving stuff, barely getting a chance to sit other than to dump pictures to my laptop, and I didn’t eat all while at work… Continue reading →
”You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin–to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours–closer than you yourself keep it. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo. Anyway: there it is. We know most of what Gandalf has told you. We know a good deal about the ring. We are terribly afraid–but we are coming with you; or following you like hounds.” ~ Meriadoc Brandybuck
I know I’ve talked about this before, but I forgot about this quote from the book series, The Lord of the Rings. I read it the other day, and it reminded me that loyalty and bravery go hand in hand. Continue reading →
And my prayers are wearing thin
I’m worn even before the day begins
I’m worn I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn so heaven come and flood my eyes
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn
~ “Worn” by Tenth Avenue North
I have been feeling so worn out recently. I love my job, I love people, I love serving, I love helping, but recently it’s been tough. From the time I awake until I go to bed at night, I have to fight and try so hard to keep a good attitude and serve with a smile on my face.
It’s because I see so much pain on a daily basis, so much hurt, and so many times I just don’t know what to do, it’s tiring.
I don’t know how many of you know this, but I guess I need to take some time and be transparent about all of this stuff going on in my life, because trying to not get stressed about it, or not letting the stress show is getting tiring. So very tiring… (sorry if this post is more whining than normal, but I need to get this out) Continue reading →