Direct and Indirect

I’ve come to realize that I have this characteristic that is a great thing, but leads to a flaw as well…

When I have a problem with someone, I go directly to that person to deal with it. This is a good thing. In many ways, but not all…

Now, that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes talk to someone else first to make sure I’m not blowing it up, or that I’m correct in my thinking, or the seek counsel about the best way to go about dealing with it, because I will do that, but in the end, I still will be the one to confront the person about it. I feel like anything else is just being cowardly and disrespectful, even though I know that isn’t true…

However, this characteristic/tendency that I have to be very direct about my issues with people has led to something I guess you could call a flaw… I have a tendency to not put much stock in issues people bring to my attention when someone says “so-and-so has this issue with you” because my first thought is “it can’t really be that big of an issue, because they aren’t talking directly to me about it,” so I then have a hard time giving it any serious thought as something I need to work on. Because I was raised to deal with issues head-on, which I am so grateful for, that means that I have a hard time fathoming that people aren’t like that… And, to be completely honest, I have a hard time trusting people who are indirect, because I end up feeling like they are gossiping about me behind my back, and so I don’t know if I can trust them…

I want to leave you with a couple of things today… 1) If you have had an issue that you have asked someone else to bring to my attention, I’m sorry if I came across as not caring about that thing and how much it affects you, it is something I am working on, 2) Please don’t be scared to bring it to me directly. If you are direct and not attacking about it, I really do take criticism really well, so please, bring your issues directly to me, it will have a lot more power with me…

Commenters: what kind of person are you? are you more direct or indirect with addressing issues? If you are direct, do you have a hard time taking indirect critique? If you are indirect, I would love to pick your brain as to why you feel that is the better way to handle things, I’m sure there is a valid reason that I just never knew… I would also challenge both sides to be more understanding of each other, and to work harder to bring a balance to both methods.

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3 comments on “Direct and Indirect

  1. If someone tells me that “JaneDoe has a problem with you regarding….” I am likely to go to “Jane Doe” and ask her about it. “Jane Doe” may not have had positive experiences with dealing with issues directly and may not have the skills to come to me.

  2. Joel, don’t change. That is the best character flaw I’ve ever heard. I wish so many people were “suffering” with the same issue. The amount of passive aggressive gossip I have witnessed, not in my life personally, but my significant others is astounding. I am obviously a very direct and confrontational person, so it drives me insane.

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