Sickness & Insecurities

You probably noticed that I missed my post on Thursday. That was because I was sick. I left work early Wednesday because I couldn’t work, and then Thursday I worked for one hour before going home and sleeping the rest of day away.

Then Friday we had a kick-off party thing for my 2 best friends before they left for their trip. Saturday morning, I had to get up early to practice for a play for church, so I only had the chance to say a quick goodbye while they were half-asleep.

Their leaving was much harder on me for me this time for some reason…

Much harder…

I began to wonder why.

Why was it so much harder for me this time than it was the last time? Then it hit me. It was my goodbye. It began to play upon my insecurities. Ones that I thought I had worked through pretty well, and had let my guard down about.

My greatest fear/insecurity is this vicious cycle of being afraid of being forgotten/left-behind, which comes from a fear of not making a difference, which comes from a fear of being forgotten… and it just keeps spiraling more and more out of control.

So because of my schedule, I didn’t get to say goodbye like I would have wanted to. But others did. And because of my insecurities, I felt jipped, forgotten, ignored. There wasn’t anything they could have done different, I didn’t blame them in any way, but I still struggled with the feeling…

It took me a while to really get over it. At the young adult group we talked about how most often our greatest insecurities are also our greatest strengths. Where you are strongest is where the enemy will fight the hardest to make you weak. So what you need to take those insecurities as a compliment. You are so good at something that Satan is worried about what you can do with that.

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