Unstable Ground

I’ve often dealt with change well (I think). Maybe not always liked it, but I dealt well with it. But that is because I have always had this stable ground to stand on. But now, all of that is changing too. Now I don’t know what to do. My world is rocking, my life is changing, my once big platform, that had walls and a roof to protect me from the storm has crumbled away and I feel like there is only this little tiny platform for me to stand on, exposed, as the other changes happen.

Right now, I hate change & I’m not sure I know how to deal with it.

The smaller changes, that normally wouldn’t phase me, now bring me to tears because I don’t know what is stable for me to hold on to.

Now, before you all tell me “You have to hold on to God”, I know that. He is that platform that I do have left. The platform doesn’t move, but the winds swirls around, the rain falls hard, debris flies toward me, and I have no walls or roof for shelter to keep me dry and warm. Just my little platform to stand on. Or rather, to curl up on.

And cry.

To cry out that God would hear me. That he would step in and make it all ok. I know He’s there, but right now, I feel abandoned. I know He is holding his hand out, and all I have to is take it, and He would wrap me up in His arms and protect me from the storm that is my life right now.

But I can’t.

Even though I know that is what I need to do, I am curled up in my ball on the platform using my arms to protect myself & keep myself warm, so I find it hard to reach out and actually take His had. Thankfully, He is a God who is patient, and will stand there until I am ready to reach out.

Read part 2 here

4 comments on “Unstable Ground

  1. Actually, I have to disagree. While it IS up to us to choose whether we want to follow God in our lives, I do not believe that he stands there and waits for us to take his hand at the times we need Him most. Looking back on the past several years of my life, speaking from experience, I can honestly say that even when I wasn’t reaching, He reached for me anyway, picked me up, and took me where I needed to go.

    You have the faith required for this, Joel. Even faith as tiny as a mustard seed–and I know yours is way bigger than that–is enough for the Lord to pick you up and carry you. Sometimes it’s ok to be afraid, and curl up in a little ball, not knowing what to do. You are His child. He won’t let you just lay there for long.

  2. Pingback: And So Life Begins Again… « Joel's Blog

  3. you do hate change… and we dragged you kicking and screaming into change that you ended up flourishing in….making you go to Fusion or write a letter why you didn’t want to go, so you went…. Mom forcing you to apply for Master Commission….. You ended up being a leader in Fusion… Master Commission brought you to Gap Family Center.
    Without change, that you didn’t like, you wouldn’t be where you are today. So, some of this change (from your families perspective) is your choice, and be believe you will flourish in this too.
    The scare of this change will pass…

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