Words Can’t Express

Words cannot begin to put into words my mindset right now.

I feel tired, awake, lonely, loved, hated, important, and useless. all at the same time.

So much is going on, that I don’t even know what feelings are springing from what things. I guess I’ll just start writing, I don’t know where it’s gonna, so warning, it might end up sounding whiney…

I’m getting ready to transition from one role at work to another, I’m getting ready to transition myself out of my other job completely, I’m watching my best friends leave for awesome things in their life, and a good friend is utterly confused about where his heart lies and where it should be and what he should do (though he can’t see the confusion he has surrounding it all and I don’t know how to help him see it).

I feel like some people don’t (maybe can’t?) understand how much I really care about them, and I don’t know how to express it. And maybe if they really could understand it, things would be different. But I don’t even know how to tell or show them it without it coming out/across weird…

In so many ways, words cannot express the thoughts in my head. I can’t express the feelings to you, to other people, or to anyone. I guess I’ll cry out with that voice in my head that doesn’t use words to the One who doesn’t need words to understand…

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3 comments on “Words Can’t Express

  1. There’s a lot of change going on in your life right now, Joel, and it can be difficult to make sense of the chaos. It can be tough to let go of so many different things at once but trying to hold on to them will never satisfy. Your friends may not understand the depth of your heart but, trust me, they know you care.
    Take heart, my friend. There is much good to come of all this. And remember, I’m just down the hall if you need to talk.

  2. I understand… Marriage, moving 3 hours away after being a vagabond for 3 months (which was hard enough in itself), moving out of an apartment with people I had been with for 3-2 years- and leaving them on unsure terms and not sure what the new state of our friendship will be, LOOKING for a job, and feeling totally inattiquate that I am in a area that might not have a lot of job opportunities,
    And sometimes, for no other reason than the mix of good and sad emotions… I need to just cry. I mourn the passing of college or whatever, so that I can be excited for a new job.
    So, you will be okay. Things are just changing, and so the well-spring of emotions is difficult to understand. I get that.

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