I Hate This Feeling

This is the first post in a while. I wrote this, not because I care if people read it, but because I needed to. Does that make sense?

I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. This feeling that comes in and out like waves on the shore. It rushes in, overwhelming at times, then it pulls away as fast as it came in, but never actually going away… I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. What does it mean? When will it change? Sometimes change is good, and sometimes bad. I wonder what kind of change I want. I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. This feeling that causes tears to well up in my eyes, even as it just crosses my mind. This feeling that, when I begin to think about dealing with it, causes those tears to flow, even as I write this now. I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. I’m finding it hard to believe. Do I really believe what I believe is what I believe? I know these truths, I really do believe them. I’ve told these truths to so many people. It’s not really that I don’t believe, it’s just that I’m having a hard time getting these truths from my head to my heart. I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. I want to talk about it, but what do I say? How do I say it? I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. I want to tell someone about it, but who do I tell? What do I day, “Hi, I’m your rock when your life is unstable, but now my life is unstable”? I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. When will it end? How will it end? Do I really want it to end? It has to end. I can’t keep going on like this. I pray to God everyday to end it, this feeling, but it’s still there. Never ending. But it needs to. I hate this feeling.

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2 comments on “I Hate This Feeling

  1. What do I day, "Hi, I'm your rock when your life is unstable, but now my life is unstable"yes. That is the type of relationship God created people to have.

  2. Pingback: Milestones & Documentation | Joel's Blog

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